


I'm Fine

by ywhiterain



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Blood, Depression, Gen, PTSD, self-injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ywhiterain/pseuds/ywhiterain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’m fine, she tells everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Fine

"I’m fine," Elena tells Matt with a soft smile because he feels guilty enough as it is.

"I’m fine," Elena tells Bonnie because she just watched her grandmother die again.

"I’m fine," Elena tells Damon through gritted teeth because he’s just looking for another reason to be smug that she made the wrong fucking choice.

"I’m fine," Elena tells Tyler absently before he could ask when he came over with Caroline.

"I’m fine," Elena tells Stefan after she kisses him good night because he already knows too damn much.

"I’m fine," Elena tells Caroline when she brings over ice cream that actually tastes good because the answer it automatic at this point.

*

It’s an unwritten rule that they don’t go in the Gilbert master bedroom. The night they died, Jeremy closed the door and Jenna said someday they’d look through it and Elena used to walk past it as fast as she could each time she had to pass it.

Elena’s broken every rule that mattered, each breath she takes makes her an abomination, each time she takes a step she knows she should be dead. 

So she breaks another rule.

*

She goes into her parent’s room and sits on the bed. Slowly, so slowly, she wasn't aware she could ever be slow again, she tears up the bedding. Then she digs her nails into the bed and rips it apart and throws the stuffing across the room and thinks she’s littering. Good.

Then she walks to the closet and opens the door. She grabs a handful of clothing and pulls. She accidentally takes the metal pole that the dusty hangers were on with it and she didn't meant to do that. She just wanted to take all the clothes and try them with vampire speed because she used to play dress up with her parent’s clothing with Jeremy and she misses them more than ever because everything is heightened. 

So she falls to the ground in frustrated tears and cries until she’s choking. Then she rushes over to the dresser, lifts it up and throws it out the window.

She stands in the middle of the room. Trash. Everything is trash. But it’s not enough. She walks calmly, so calmly, she was sure she’ll never be calm again after this and tears (tears like paper) some glass off the window. She stabs it in her arm and watches the blood pour down her skin.

It isn't enough.

She keeps stabbing her arm. Then her legs. And then her face. Then her throat. She wants to get rid of every last drop doppelganger blood that flows through her body. 

She falls down, dizzy and faint, but keeps stabbing. She focuses on her elbow. It keeps healing. She hates it. It’s wrong. She’s wrong. She stabs and stabs and stabs and will stab forever until it stays a wound. 

She hears (she hears everything) Jeremy walk up behind her.

He says something but she isn't able to make it out. But he’s taking the glass away from her and her skin is healing and her body is covered in blood, but not enough. She can still feel blood pumping through her veins and she needs it gone. She can hear Jeremy’s heart beating and she wants to sink her fangs, never teeth again, into his neck and drink until he’s gone. She wants his blood. His blood is better than hers.

"I’m fine," she says, because that’s what she does, and his arms are around her and she’s making his clothes dirty because her skin is wet with blood. Dirt She’s crying, she thinks, but she can’t tell. "I’m fine." 

*

"I’m fine," Elena tells Jeremy after they walk out of their parents room and shut the door closed forever, "things are just heightened."

He doesn't believe her and refuses to let her sleep in her own room alone and she hates him. She hates all six of her parents for being dead. She hates her friends for saving her. She hates Stefan for all the wrong reasons and she hates Damon for everything else.

*

_She was supposed to die._

*

"I’m fine," she tells.


End file.
